Thursday, 28.09.2006

When there's a beginning,
There's an ending.
No point reproaching yourself in remorse for
What you have done,
And what you have not done.
Just let everything flows the way it is,
As what's done can never be undone.
So what you can do,
Is just to wait.


It's the very first time I'm blogging here. I'm so confused here. The approval letter that I've always been waiting for, at last is given to me. I so confused as to how I felt after receiving it. Am I feeling happy? No, I wouldn't say I'm feeling happy. I just don't know why, as I thought I was suppose.

School was quite boring today.In the morning, we had a History test,which I've totally forgotten about it.Luckily,it was so simple that I can simply get a 10/10!!hahas.After that,I'll just do whatever assignments that were appointed to me today, and will just do as I'm being instructed. I wonder how I can get back to the me that I used to be.Going out with friends,chit-chatting,and stuffs.I don't know why, I just can't interact with those i used to now.Friends are really drifting apart from me.or should is it that I'm the one walking away from them.I really Don't know!!!

I guess I've changed alot.I got more and more easily frustrated by anything around me.Maybe it's because my mind is always filled by those memories.Memories that will always be there for a very long period of time.

Came back home right after school and expect my guardian to be waiting for me at home and prepared to bring me to go to the British Cousel(I idon't really knows how exactly it is spelled)In the end,I just rot at home,doing nothing.

To say the truth,I'm really disappointed today.

Yesterday

Such a short,
Yet a difficult day for me.

School was like so short, but yet I was feeling so stressful. In class, I was really trying my very best to revise my Geography in my free periods and even Geography lesson. Yes, I did my notes, but everything that was written in my notebook was like dead words, that can't enter my brain.tsskk!!! Why can't I just concentrate?!

After achool, I need to go to Tanjong Pagar,to the Britich Cousel, to process my UKvisa. I've never wants&hate to be lonely at any point of time, so first person came into my mind to ask to accompany me there, was Xinyan. And that Yanyan keep rejecting me and asked me to beg her first and then she'd think about it. lol. Idiot right? But in the end she just followed me over. Do you believe that someone could actually mistaken us as twins?!Ah!

After, the long, an hour plus of waiting, we proceeded to Xinyan's house and went home at about 1o.45.At first there were moments of silence, followed by me teaching that girl the Art prepwork stuffs& ideas. Everything changed after that. I can't and don't wish to hide my problems from her. Her face is like always telling me "Come on! Just tell me!" that kinda stuffs. Then the next moment, I just burst into tears. NO!NO!!! I don't wanna cry! but no matter how hard i tried to control, I just can't!Why can't I just clear him off my mind?!

Hope she can find her true angel to understand and hear her out.
things are gonna be fine girl.

God please help us out!


Today

Oh my God! My eyes are so swollen today. Actually at first, it was fine, but got worsened when the people in my guardians' house came to me and "broke my heart" even more.hais.At that moment, I just felt like getting out of my guardians' house, and even wanted to go back Indonesia to continue my study next year.

So I called Xinyan, Zhongjie and even Sebastian, whom i just get to know recently, to study at a voideck. Since the time when they came, I've no mood to study already, again, nothing can go into my mind!So i was like daydreaming there and they're doing their revision there till about 4 plus. We then chatted till Xinyan joined after her tuition. There, Zhongjie and Sebastian was like chatting and laughing like as if they're real good+close friends, although they just got to know each other today. Then we had dinner together, when they talked about the "england"fries instead of frenchfries.lol.

Sebastian went home at about 7 plus 8 and about 9.30 we walked to Xinyan's place through Bedok Town Park.It was quite fun journey i should say, as we got frightened by some small little things and reached the fitness corner at about 11.25. But when we were about to leave at 11.50, something made me real scared, that shadow, I was so scared that on the way back home, all the way till I've reached home , I talked to Sebastian all the way, even though we didn't really have any topic to talk about.Phew!

Suppose to study today, but ended up didn't really studied. Nevermind, just take it as a rest, as I quite enjoyed my day today.=)


why wouldn't he give me another chance?
you're still in my heart.


waiting&disappointed butterfly.